Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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