i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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