So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
