just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
