You can't motorboat a personality
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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