How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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