I want to have your abortion
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
