what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
soo... how was my night?
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