the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
