I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
