Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
