I didn't shave. On purpose
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
