The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
