Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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