Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
