My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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