I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
