True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
