did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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