There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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