1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
My pussy is not your playground.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
