So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
