So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
