I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
