is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
