Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
