Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
