she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
and she was petting her beer can
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
