I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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