you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
