No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
