thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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