im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
