Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
