you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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