I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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