3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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