I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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