Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
