Just fell off a train. Bad.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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