Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
