this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
