i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
