So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
