The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
