Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
