WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
