while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
