I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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