U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
