The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
