you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Randomize
