Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
