I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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