Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
