My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
