last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I met the friendliest cop last night
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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