Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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