mondays should just be called national damage control day
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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